anxiety, chronic pain, Mental Health, not giving up, perseverance, update

More Changes

Having issues with anxiety and learning disorders can be hard. For me, I take a while to settle on majors because I do not know which kinds of classes I can handle. I thought a lot about my major and how hard it is for me to take in these details just for the biology class. I love it, but my brain cannot handle reading and processing the information. I realized that for me, I’d want more of a hands-on approach.

Because of these reasons, I have gone back to English as a major. I still want to pursue some knowledge of medicine and first aid since it intrigues me, and it is a wonderful thing to have. However, if I wanted to, I will go for a Medical Assistant Associate degree after I graduate if I still want to pursue it. However, if I fall in love with something else and find another career with my degree, I will go for either a first responder course or a wilderness first responder course. Either way, I think it’s a good thing to know in any situation.

Posts

So, for the last three weeks, I had been posting twice a week. Once with old discussion posts and then excerpts from the book I am writing. I will try to keep up with that, but It was initially because I was getting very anxious about my classes and work. That is why they were scheduled posts. Again, my blogs will comprise multiple things since I am so passionate about various subjects. I will try to make weekly updates about the story I am working on, but lately, I could not work on it.

I also have some “prepper” projects I am working on and my views on certain parts of that aspect and community. I will never write negativity because I love to spread positivity. I am also working on finally moving out with my partner, so I will post about that. Thank you again for liking and following my blog to all who have.

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fiction, writing

Soothsaying

She held out her hand and touched my cheek just as Melek would have done. A mother’s touch. “Young Jafar,” She whistled a soft tune and the legless reptiles retreated into small, black baskets which decorated the front of her house.

“You… are a snake charmer?” I asked softly.

“Yes, that is one of my many talents. I foresee great things from you, child. Though I also see a terrifying fate that you may already know of.”

Those words caused me to look up at her in amazement. She knew of the content of the dreams? Was she connected to me in some way? She put a soft hand under my chin and touched her soft lips directly in the middle of my forehead.

I suddenly found myself in a dark place. Treasure littered the ground and I saw an older version of myself on the ground glaring up at a handsome boy who seemed to be a few years my senior. Upon closer observation… it was the man whom was holding me as I laid dying. The man with the silver eyes.

“As you can see child, I have the ability to not only see the future but help young mages such as yourself to see and control visions you have only in your sleeping state.” Alia’s voice rang softly around the air. I walked towards my future self to listen to the conversation.

“You must be joking, I have tried to kill you. You wish me to follow you on your adventures across the seas? For what purpose? You have caught me and you should have gotten rid of me as I would have done to you!”

The handsome boy walked up with a kind smile on his lips. He put an outstretched hand towards my future self. “I do not wish to harm you Jafar. You have lived a hard life, and though you may look like a woman, I believe you can become a great man one day. Do you truly wish to live the life of an assassin for the rest of your days?”

“This decision will be one you must choose carefully. The fate you have prophesized will only take place if you choose one or the other. I imagine you will have about ten years to make the choice you wish.

fiction, writing

Dreams of the Destruction

I was being held down while that horrid serpent slithered freely. Ropes bound my feet and arms behind me. I was bruised all over and there were so many rogues surrounding me and laughing. What looked like a red and black beaten up turban was thrown from my head as my long brown hair fell in front of my face.

“How could you?” I pleaded. There was a man standing in front of me with black hair and seemed to be the leader of this den of thieves. He let out a chilling laugh. One that went right through to my bones. The men holding me kicked me a few times in the ribs as a punishment for my spoken words no doubt. The leader’s laugh subsided and he turned to me. I could not believe what I was seeing. This man had the same black hair, dark skin, and dark eyes… Kassim. What was going on? “You…you loved me once…”

“You should learn to stop being so naïve Jafar.” He said as he squatted down in front of me with a serious face. He had scars on his face and his clothes were ragged. “Do you really think I would allow the Royal Vasir of the King of the Seven Seas to leave the den of the 40 thieves on his own? Your heart has changed as has mine. This world is dark and lonely. We can only do things for ourselves. You hated your life as the Royal Vasir’s son and now you are the Vasir to the most famous King in all of Arabia. What a filthy hypocrite.”

“D…do what every you want with me Kassim… I do not know what happened to you but my wife and daughter do not deserve this. They are innocent and…”

“Innocent?” Kassim seethed. “We were innocent children once. Foolish lovers who thought we could live a life together. Then the real world fell upon us. Have you even told your loving wife and daughter the truth? I could imagine their devastation after finding out what had truly happened to your father, the Sultan, and the Prince that you served as a Vizier in training. Even the events surrounding your finding your precious King is shrouded in blood.”

“Silence! They do not need to know my past. I have put my past behind me.”

“Clearly.” My old friend said with a sinister smile. “Put it behind you so far you never even thought to make sure that I had gotten to a good place once I escaped. Had you ever even tried to find me?”

I felt myself going silent as the cobra hissed angrily at me before Kassim’s younger and more frantic voice awoke me from this trauma.

fiction, writing

Beginning of Fate

It was a few days after I had awoken from my comatose state. I was walking the halls of the Palace trying to refamiliarize myself with the ins and outs when I saw him. He was only about the age of ten at the time.

“Stop being so careless slave!” the brat of a Prince was forcing his personal guard to whip the young man to oblivion. The flogging was so hard and forceful that bits of flesh and blood littered the ground as if it were a scene of someone being killed. It turned my stomach to see someone being treated with such violence.

“W…wait! Leave him alone!” I exclaimed. It was the first words I had actually spoken since I had come back to the “life” as my father described it. Even from that young of an age, I felt as if any injustice should be dealt with. No one should live a life in fear or anguish.

“Jafar? You speak to me like this? I am your prince and you are meant to serve me as Vizier one day,” the pompous prince glared. “Shall I teach you a lesson as well?”

“I…um…” Since I was still so young and naïve I had not a clue what to say to Prince Haroun of Anfanka?

“What is going on here?” My father’s voice rang from behind me. “Jafar, what have you done to disturb the Prince?”

“F…father… why…. Is he hitting this boy?” I asked timidly. I feared my father just as much as I feared the Prince and the Sultan. I was a coward. A stain on the ideals of a future Vizier.

“Son, this boy has no rights. He is but a lowly slave boy of our Palace.”

“Then… why…why can he not… be my slave? I do not like how he is being treated,” I begged. I doubted that I would be able to get my way but something changed in my father’s eyes.“That is the best idea that has come out of your mouth in your entire life. Very well, I will ask permission from the Sultan and allow this boy to be yours. This will teach you what it is like to own slaves.”

fiction, writing

The First Dream

Hissss, Hissss,” the serpent spoke as it surrounded the bloody scene. Lifeless corpses littered the once pure white marble halls of this grand palace. Crimson painted the golden walls while fire and ash scattered the night’s sky blocking out every star that shone down upon the kingdom. The Cobra, regal as its namesake, slithered towards the center of the carnage which brought my attention to the equally royal human as he knelt before me.

            He was broken. Tears welled up in his perfectly grey eyes as he held my body close to him. The soft jingle of the gold decorating his ears and neck were enough to cause me pains in my chest stronger than that of my wounds. He had won his kingdom. Started out with nothing and I helped groom him to be the greatest King of the Seven Seas. Most of the jewels he wore were given to him as a gift. His long golden-brown hair fell from his perfect tie sopping up the thick liquid coming from my wounds.

Looking back on this pathetic life, there was so many things that I could have done differently. Especially when it came to those I loved. There was so much regret. It hurt me to hear him plead for my life. After all we had been through I had never lost the love I felt for him.

“Do not die on me. I forgive you so please do not leave me again.” His voice was just a whisper that went through my heart like a sharp needle. His tears were wasted. Why should he weep for me? All I had done was bring pain and trouble to him from the moment we met.

            “No, I cannot. After everything I have done I do not deserve it.” I murmured weakly.

            I felt the blood draining from my broken body. So… tired. His wet tears fell like an unsteady river as he cradled me.

“I will never marry.” He placed a warm hand on my cheek and kissed me tenderly as if to a sleeping newborn. “Never,” he repeated.

The serpent once more came into view as it coiled around my arm with his deadly fangs dangerously close to my jugular. It spoke to me in the softest voice that was almost inaudible. “Jafaaar…” she hissed. The next words I did not hear as the past slowly bled into the present.