Mental Health, perseverance, Philosophy, spirituality

Free Will

I had spent many years in retail after obtaining an Associates Degree in General Studies. As my chronic pain condition (suspected Fibromyalgia) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder worsened it got harder and harder to handle it. I took an online course in freelance writing because I was so curious on if I was interested in this or not. At the time I realized that I was and enrolled in my local University, West Chester University of Pennsylvania. For two years I started to realize I could not handle commuting back and forth and upholding good grades full time so I switched to half-time.

I still struggled because of the long commutes, obligations from toxic friends who insisted on me giving them attention (I had finally gotten rid of them by now), and attempting to do work study along with classes. When I looked into SNHU I realized that this was honestly the easier way for me to learn. I have various learning disorders, and this program helps me in ways the other school could not. The program was better as well since I did not have to go through various language classes for an English degree.

Currently, I realized after attempting to do some freelance writing while I was in the market for a new job (which I finally achieved one) I realized that my love of writing was more-so on the casual pace. I love writing blogs and fictional stories, but the stress of attempting to find clients and such was just not for me. I had been able to get some experience in it, but I was not enjoying it like I thought I would. When I decided to go to Penn Foster alongside SNHU for Medical Administrative Assistant, I realized maybe I should get into the medical field. It had always interested me since I was a child. So, I am currently asking to change my major. I do not want to be a nurse or a doctor, but I do want to possibly work as a Medical Assistant (I’m not sure yet because of the physical demands), get EMS training (just for personal curiosity and want to help people in an emergency such as a natural disaster or something), etc. I want to start with the administrative level since a less physical job is perfect for my pain condition.

The reason I am sharing my story is because of this discussion topic. I did not have to go back to College. I could have just worked and worked until I was able to find something better. The reason I went is that I wanted to follow my dreams even if they are ever changing. English was not meant for me, but now I believe the medical field is. It interests me. When I was little I watched surgery shows. While my mother and Gram turned away, I was fascinated with the blood and how people were fixed up. Even the idea of doing sutures is interesting to me. (If I don’t end up going through EMS training I might get a training kit from Amazon just to see what to do. I won’t be the first to do it but if no one is around and its days or miles from help its good to know).

If I did not have “free will” I would have just done what my family wanted me to do and find some government job or live off of Social Security Disability after getting diagnoses (if that). I think that having free will or not having free will depends on the person. If someone does things because of their environment, because society says so, or because they don’t believe they are able to do anything else that no, they do not have free will. Someone brainwashed by friends, certain societies, even some extreme religious groups are not able to control their own actions. Stepping away from that and doing what “you” want and dream of is what gives free will. That is what I believe. Free will depends on your choices.

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Philosophy, writing

Reincarnated Souls vs Zombies

I’m not much of a fan of zombies, yet I love Resident Evil (I can only watch. I’m too much of a wimp to actually play). On a serious note though, since I think of the soul and the body as two separate entities, I think that an answer to the question is no. I believe that the human brain and body are really just vessels to hold the soul in the same way that all creatures are vessels for the soul.

My take on reincarnation, is that the soul is the part that is the real “you.” The many lives you live with the soul is what makes the being and the history of your true self. In every life, you are given a clean slate. A chance to make up for the good or bad karma from previous lives even if you do not remember it.

For me, all my life I felt empty as if something was missing. I never really felt like “myself” and instead compared myself to others, fictional or otherwise. The Catholic faith was not enough for me. It was hard to believe that when you die you just go to Heaven or Hell. It never made sense to me that this was my only chance at life. When I finally got out of Catholic School and searched around for an awnser I went through various beliefs. At first, I went strictly of the Wiccan faith and was mislead and manipulated by others. In the end, I finally broke away from them and realized they were simply blocking me from my full potential.

The first memory I had was a dream. I was angry at a King who had killed my lover. I still remember the robes he wore. Red with black embellishments. After this is when I realized I was the daughter of that King. Since then I have learned so many different lives my soul had lived. When that happened, that hole in my heart (or soul) felt as if it was filled. Even though those I called “friends” wanted me to move on from them, I felt a different way. As though these lives were part of my true self. I was not supposed to let them go. I was supposed to take hold of them, accept them as part of my personal path in the universe. This difference in opinion lead to my losing many friends, but then I found new ones. These new friends accepted me for who I was past, present, and future. I even found the soul of the person I have loved as far back as my memories took me. My “soul-mate” if you will. We talk about our memories as if they were simply part of our live. We banter about the old times, good and bad.

Because of these experiences, my personal belief is that the soul that lives through many lives is vastly different than the physical human body. I believe the soul takes hold of the entire being when a new life is born and that is why the Chakras develop. The energy one lets out through the chakras and soul is what makes a person a person.

With the idea of zombies, I think that it is simply the physical body. Whatever reanimates the body to become a “zombie” I think is very separate from the soul itself. The brain controls the physical body and without a soul, the body is just a body. Not a person. The self-awareness I feel comes from the soul.

Philosophy, spirituality

Belief vs Knowledge

I titled this blog post after a discussion for my Philosophy class. Belief vs Knowledge.

I believe that both can be the two entirely different things or the same depending on your own personal teachings and experiences. For example, my belief is that there are other planes of existence that house various deities living together to help and guide humanity.

However, I do not have physical proof of this being possible. Spiritually, during my deep meditations and practice of astral projection, I believe I have traveled there in my astral form to converse with my personal gods. This shows that my knowledge and belief comes from what I see, feel, and experience during my meditations.

There is no physical proof that such a plane exists, so this “knowledge” is something that others might not believe or think of as “knowledge.”

Reincarnation

However, another way of showing my own belief versus knowledge is my belief in reincarnation. I believe that my soul enjoys being reincarnated. Because of that, I have had many past lives. I do not feel as if the past lives are separate from my soul but more of an extension.

The earliest Life I believe could have been on another plane or “planet” separate from Earth. This is not “known.” I have special memories, but it is still so fuzzy that there is no way to know it was real or just a figment of my imagination.

There is no personal proof other than shared memories from my current significant other. Past life memories can be tough to prove when there is no actual proof that it could be true. When memories spark from fantasy movies or video games, it makes you believe it could have been true, but it is so over the top that there is no proof that it is. 

Spiritual Paths

Just because I believe in these things as an Eclectic Pagan, does not mean that I think all the other religions do not exist. It is difficult to determine what is known to be true and what is believed to be accurate. I don’t believe any religion is right or wrong.

We all believe in something even if it is science. I think belief and knowledge are personal with things like philosophy, religion, and faith. 

Mental Health, perseverance, Philosophy, spirituality

Knowing

I think “knowing” the world and “knowing” math is different but also somewhat the same. Knowing math takes a lot of practice. For some, it takes only a week or two to understand it, but for me and my math disorder, it takes forever. 

I’m not saying I don’t know 2+2=4, but anything more complicated like multiplication and division confuses me. I get numbers, symbols, and letters mixed up continuously so my version of “knowing” math differs from someone who can do math quickly in their head. I cannot even do simple math without using my hands or a calculator.

The World

I think “knowing” the world is different only because of this case. We learn the world by taking it in similar to most people who can learn math quickly. But I think they are different because with math you have. Knowing the world is done in different ways.

Everyone is different and sees the world around them in different ways. That is why there are various political parties, religions, beliefs, etc. (I see religion and belief as separate things because not everyone has religion, but everyone has beliefs.)

Mathematics

With math, the answer is linear, when with personal “knowing” of the world and philosophy are different depending on the person. Religion and beliefs, for example, I believe no religion is right or wrong. It is what the person feels. I believe in various gods, but I also think that the Catholic/Christian God along with the Hebrew and Muslim God exists in the same plane as the others. 

A friend of mine believes that the “one” God is all the other gods in all the pantheons. I also think that most of the deities that come are like family since I have always wanted siblings and felt lonely. And then, obviously, those who are Catholic and Christian belief in only one God. I believe none of us are right or wrong in those beliefs.

My Faith

I firmly believe religion, faith, and belief should be more personal. I do not think it is right to force opinions on others or even in the non-religious sense of the words. Religion, belief, politics, philosophy; these I think should be a belief, but if it’s shared with others, it can bring you together. I don’t think there should be wars against views such as these unless the belief hurts themselves or others.

Something knows math to be accurate and perfect in almost all cases, while belief is different. We can know faith” to be true in every instance. For example, so many people still believe that Paganism and Wicca are evil and “devil-worshipping.” What I know to be true is that it is the opposite. Pagans and Wiccans love the earth and part of Wiccan law is “harm none.” 

Even with Pagans who use witchcraft, the thought of karma is prominent because if you do something, it will come back to you times three. There are out there who still harm with their practice, but most of us are now using peaceful means of worship and practice. Christianity evolved from Catholics who did not agree with their beliefs is another perfect example. Above all, math is linear, but faith can be various.