anxiety, chronic pain, Mental Health, not giving up, perseverance, update

More Changes

Having issues with anxiety and learning disorders can be hard. For me, I take a while to settle on majors because I do not know which kinds of classes I can handle. I thought a lot about my major and how hard it is for me to take in these details just for the biology class. I love it, but my brain cannot handle reading and processing the information. I realized that for me, I’d want more of a hands-on approach.

Because of these reasons, I have gone back to English as a major. I still want to pursue some knowledge of medicine and first aid since it intrigues me, and it is a wonderful thing to have. However, if I wanted to, I will go for a Medical Assistant Associate degree after I graduate if I still want to pursue it. However, if I fall in love with something else and find another career with my degree, I will go for either a first responder course or a wilderness first responder course. Either way, I think it’s a good thing to know in any situation.

Posts

So, for the last three weeks, I had been posting twice a week. Once with old discussion posts and then excerpts from the book I am writing. I will try to keep up with that, but It was initially because I was getting very anxious about my classes and work. That is why they were scheduled posts. Again, my blogs will comprise multiple things since I am so passionate about various subjects. I will try to make weekly updates about the story I am working on, but lately, I could not work on it.

I also have some “prepper” projects I am working on and my views on certain parts of that aspect and community. I will never write negativity because I love to spread positivity. I am also working on finally moving out with my partner, so I will post about that. Thank you again for liking and following my blog to all who have.

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Mental Health, perseverance, Philosophy, spirituality

Free Will

I had spent many years in retail after obtaining an Associates Degree in General Studies. As my chronic pain condition (suspected Fibromyalgia) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder worsened it got harder and harder to handle it. I took an online course in freelance writing because I was so curious on if I was interested in this or not. At the time I realized that I was and enrolled in my local University, West Chester University of Pennsylvania. For two years I started to realize I could not handle commuting back and forth and upholding good grades full time so I switched to half-time.

I still struggled because of the long commutes, obligations from toxic friends who insisted on me giving them attention (I had finally gotten rid of them by now), and attempting to do work study along with classes. When I looked into SNHU I realized that this was honestly the easier way for me to learn. I have various learning disorders, and this program helps me in ways the other school could not. The program was better as well since I did not have to go through various language classes for an English degree.

Currently, I realized after attempting to do some freelance writing while I was in the market for a new job (which I finally achieved one) I realized that my love of writing was more-so on the casual pace. I love writing blogs and fictional stories, but the stress of attempting to find clients and such was just not for me. I had been able to get some experience in it, but I was not enjoying it like I thought I would. When I decided to go to Penn Foster alongside SNHU for Medical Administrative Assistant, I realized maybe I should get into the medical field. It had always interested me since I was a child. So, I am currently asking to change my major. I do not want to be a nurse or a doctor, but I do want to possibly work as a Medical Assistant (I’m not sure yet because of the physical demands), get EMS training (just for personal curiosity and want to help people in an emergency such as a natural disaster or something), etc. I want to start with the administrative level since a less physical job is perfect for my pain condition.

The reason I am sharing my story is because of this discussion topic. I did not have to go back to College. I could have just worked and worked until I was able to find something better. The reason I went is that I wanted to follow my dreams even if they are ever changing. English was not meant for me, but now I believe the medical field is. It interests me. When I was little I watched surgery shows. While my mother and Gram turned away, I was fascinated with the blood and how people were fixed up. Even the idea of doing sutures is interesting to me. (If I don’t end up going through EMS training I might get a training kit from Amazon just to see what to do. I won’t be the first to do it but if no one is around and its days or miles from help its good to know).

If I did not have “free will” I would have just done what my family wanted me to do and find some government job or live off of Social Security Disability after getting diagnoses (if that). I think that having free will or not having free will depends on the person. If someone does things because of their environment, because society says so, or because they don’t believe they are able to do anything else that no, they do not have free will. Someone brainwashed by friends, certain societies, even some extreme religious groups are not able to control their own actions. Stepping away from that and doing what “you” want and dream of is what gives free will. That is what I believe. Free will depends on your choices.

Mental Health, perseverance, Philosophy, spirituality

Knowing

I think “knowing” the world and “knowing” math is different but also somewhat the same. Knowing math takes a lot of practice. For some, it takes only a week or two to understand it, but for me and my math disorder, it takes forever. 

I’m not saying I don’t know 2+2=4, but anything more complicated like multiplication and division confuses me. I get numbers, symbols, and letters mixed up continuously so my version of “knowing” math differs from someone who can do math quickly in their head. I cannot even do simple math without using my hands or a calculator.

The World

I think “knowing” the world is different only because of this case. We learn the world by taking it in similar to most people who can learn math quickly. But I think they are different because with math you have. Knowing the world is done in different ways.

Everyone is different and sees the world around them in different ways. That is why there are various political parties, religions, beliefs, etc. (I see religion and belief as separate things because not everyone has religion, but everyone has beliefs.)

Mathematics

With math, the answer is linear, when with personal “knowing” of the world and philosophy are different depending on the person. Religion and beliefs, for example, I believe no religion is right or wrong. It is what the person feels. I believe in various gods, but I also think that the Catholic/Christian God along with the Hebrew and Muslim God exists in the same plane as the others. 

A friend of mine believes that the “one” God is all the other gods in all the pantheons. I also think that most of the deities that come are like family since I have always wanted siblings and felt lonely. And then, obviously, those who are Catholic and Christian belief in only one God. I believe none of us are right or wrong in those beliefs.

My Faith

I firmly believe religion, faith, and belief should be more personal. I do not think it is right to force opinions on others or even in the non-religious sense of the words. Religion, belief, politics, philosophy; these I think should be a belief, but if it’s shared with others, it can bring you together. I don’t think there should be wars against views such as these unless the belief hurts themselves or others.

Something knows math to be accurate and perfect in almost all cases, while belief is different. We can know faith” to be true in every instance. For example, so many people still believe that Paganism and Wicca are evil and “devil-worshipping.” What I know to be true is that it is the opposite. Pagans and Wiccans love the earth and part of Wiccan law is “harm none.” 

Even with Pagans who use witchcraft, the thought of karma is prominent because if you do something, it will come back to you times three. There are out there who still harm with their practice, but most of us are now using peaceful means of worship and practice. Christianity evolved from Catholics who did not agree with their beliefs is another perfect example. Above all, math is linear, but faith can be various.