A family is always supposed to be there for you no matter what the cost. You do everything for them and you expect to have the same respect and kindness in return. Sometimes, however, when you find your “true” self spiritually, emotionally, and physically certain family members can make life difficult. They may have good intentions, but if they do not open their minds and realize that nothing can make you change to the way they want you to be. Sometimes, no matter how much you try to please them nothing works. They become rude and refuse to hear things that you want to say.
This is something I have to live with. Technically, it is called “emotional” or “mental” abuse. I don’t believe my abuser realizes what they are doing. They are stuck in their ways and do not believe that anything should change. Men are men. Women are women. To them, gender identities do not exist. Men do male jobs, women to women jobs. By 30, you should have a job (even if you hate it). They believe that you should be able to do “any job” even though your primary doctor agrees with you that you have a chronic illness like Fibromyalgia.
In my situation, I am forced to live with my parents. They are respectful towards me… at least my mother is… However, because I am currently unemployed and working on school and part-time freelancing, while at the same time sending application after application out into the world and receiving nothing back from potential employees. Those from the “baby boomer” generation continuously find ways to nitpick everything I do. The only spec of comfort that I have is when I am able to find my way into my bedroom just to escape. My room is my only solace where I have my computer and phone. Music, videos, writing, and video games help me to forget the insecurities that my so-called “family” members have put inside of my head.
I place “family” in quotes because, at this point in my life, I have realized that my close friends are more family to me than my own blood. I have chosen siblings that care for me and a wonderful girlfriend that I thank the gods every day that I have. She has been the first partner I have found that does not negate my anxiety but helps to calm me. Despite the thoughts that she might leave me too one day, she reminds me that she never will.
One of the best lines in current Television comes from the show Supernatural. “Family doesn’t end in blood.” Bobby Singer says that to the boys and it sticks with them. He is like a father to the boys just like how my friends are like siblings. Dean goes on to say “…it doesn’t start there either.” That in itself is the meaning of this post. Once I am finally able to move out, I have decided that I will live the way I want. Decorate the way I wish, practice my spirituality the way I wish, and live the life I am meant to live. If family members disagree and continue to try and change me, I will not associate myself with them anymore even if that means never going to family functions any longer. As long as I have her and all my chosen siblings my life will be complete.