Disabilities, Mental Health, Uncategorized

“Family Doesn’t End (or Start) in Blood”

A family is always supposed to be there for you no matter what the cost. You do everything for them and you expect to have the same respect and kindness in return. Sometimes, however, when you find your “true” self spiritually, emotionally, and physically certain family members can make life difficult. They may have good intentions, but if they do not open their minds and realize that nothing can make you change to the way they want you to be. Sometimes, no matter how much you try to please them nothing works. They become rude and refuse to hear things that you want to say.

This is something I have to live with. Technically, it is called “emotional” or “mental” abuse. I don’t believe my abuser realizes what they are doing. They are stuck in their ways and do not believe that anything should change. Men are men. Women are women. To them, gender identities do not exist. Men do male jobs, women to women jobs. By 30, you should have a job (even if you hate it). They believe that you should be able to do “any job” even though your primary doctor agrees with you that you have a chronic illness like Fibromyalgia.

In my situation, I am forced to live with my parents. They are respectful towards me… at least my mother is… However, because I am currently unemployed and working on school and part-time freelancing, while at the same time sending application after application out into the world and receiving nothing back from potential employees. Those from the “baby boomer” generation continuously find ways to nitpick everything I do. The only spec of comfort that I have is when I am able to find my way into my bedroom just to escape. My room is my only solace where I have my computer and phone. Music, videos, writing, and video games help me to forget the insecurities that my so-called “family” members have put inside of my head.

I place “family” in quotes because, at this point in my life, I have realized that my close friends are more family to me than my own blood. I have chosen siblings that care for me and a wonderful girlfriend that I thank the gods every day that I have. She has been the first partner I have found that does not negate my anxiety but helps to calm me. Despite the thoughts that she might leave me too one day, she reminds me that she never will.

One of the best lines in current Television comes from the show Supernatural. “Family doesn’t end in blood.” Bobby Singer says that to the boys and it sticks with them. He is like a father to the boys just like how my friends are like siblings. Dean goes on to say “…it doesn’t start there either.” That in itself is the meaning of this post. Once I am finally able to move out, I have decided that I will live the way I want. Decorate the way I wish, practice my spirituality the way I wish, and live the life I am meant to live. If family members disagree and continue to try and change me, I will not associate myself with them anymore even if that means never going to family functions any longer. As long as I have her and all my chosen siblings my life will be complete.

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Disabilities, Mental Health

Natural Ways to Deal With Anxiety

Some people who are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder have it so severe that they must be on prescription medication to deal with it. I feel very thankful that I am not one of those individuals. I have very bad anxiety, but I have found natural ways to deal with it instead of being on a prescription anti-depressant.

*When reading this, please do not drop all the medications that your doctor has given you to try my methods. I am not a professional. I am just here to give suggestions to help relieve the anxiety and stress that can interrupt life. I want to help people like me who wish to live a more natural life as much as possible. I take prescriptions when I really need them. I take the generic of Cymbalta to treat my Fibromyalgia symptoms. However, these suggestions can be used alongside medications to aid in easing Anxiety

One main way that I deal with my anxiety, is that I try to meditate at least five minutes a day. I found that this method really works if you keep at it. However, not everyone has time for meditation or has the energy to do so. There are some days where I am so exhausted, that I go to bed instead of meditating. There are other times where I am sick and cannot focus enough to meditate.

I found the best way to meditate is to clear and balance all the Chakras. You can find Chakra meditations anywhere online and there are some apps that guide you through a chakra meditation. Clearing out chakras not only clears your mind and anxiety but helps in various ways as well. One time, I had a stomach ache that would not go away. Once I cleared out my stomach Chakra, the ache was gone. I’m not saying that aches and pains are always stemming from clogged chakras, but sometimes they might be. It’s just an observation.

I also found that starting out learning how to meditate, binaural beats help you learn how to get to that state of mind. These beats help, because they are designed to make the brain act a certain way by giving a certain tone to different parts of the brain. I am not a scientist so I cannot exactly elaborate, but it is a great tool for learning how to go into a deep meditation. There are many apps out there with these beats, along with YouTube videos. The best suggestion is to wear earbuds but does not let the volume exceed a certain point or it might hurt your ears.

Another way I relieve stress and anxiety is indulging in my hobbies. I have many of them. I love to write, role play, belly dance, crafts, and cosplay. Role play and writing usually go hand in hand, since I have a few co-written projects with a friend and we role play them in order to work out the kinks. It is not only fun and relieves stress, but it is also productive at the same time. Instead of shutting down my brain, I am engaged in a story and new ideas.

I found that with anxiety, as long as I keep my brain active I do not feel anxiety as much as I would if I was thinking of nothing. If I keep my brain thinking of other things when I have free time, it helps me avoid thinking of negative things that could cause an anxiety attack. This is why I always try to think positive even when everyone around me is thinking negative. I find that positive thinking makes everyone’s day at least a little brighter.

However, sometimes too much brain activity can cause even more anxiety at times. For the times where anxiety is so bad that none of these ideas could quell them, I was previously at a loss until someone suggested to take CBD oil. This oil can take the form of oral or vape. It is an oil that is taken from the hemp/marijuana plant however, it does not contain the chemical THC that causes the “high” and the part that is illegal. I find that one drop of this during one of my anxiety attacks can ease the tension and let me think clearly.

I hope this information can help someone who wants to win their life back.

Mental Health

Positivity in Retail

Working in retail is brutal. Employees are tasked with not only providing amazing customer service but also do various tasks while doing so. It’s no wonder that many employees always look angry, upset, or depressed.

I, however, have realized that if you think and act with a positive attitude, everything seems to go a lot smoother. For the first couple years of working retail, I had always let the mean customers, coworkers, and everything outside work get to me. I no longer am able to work in retail because of my health issues, but I wanted to share the experiences that I had in the five to six years I spent in retail. Since I had a lot of physical pains that I experienced, that felt worse than many others, many days working in the backroom at SEARS dragged on. The only thing that got me through it was the reminder that I would get paid after all of my hard work.

When I began working at ROSS as a fitting room clerk, I associated with customers a lot more than I did previously. At first, I was very shy and timid. While I worked, I realized that when I put on a smile every day the customers smiled back. I interacted with them constantly. When I gave them a “have a nice day/night” after they were finished trying on clothes, I saw their eyes light up. When they approached with a sad or depressed expression I could see it change to a lighter, happier tone once they left.

During the dull, dragging days and nights where there were hardly any customers, I kept my mind and body busy. My mind was always on stories or my future as a writer. To ignore my physical pains, I paced around the podium at my station, danced with the music playing on the loudspeakers, and when there were clothes on my rack I went off a few clothes at a time to put them back. I also spent time going down aisles making sure everything was neat and tidy.

Many employees complain about the amount of work to do in retail jobs like I have had. In my experience, time usually goes faster when you’re busy. Positivity is key when working in retail, especially when you have disabilities like mine. It makes the managers, and everyone else important overlooks what you cannot do and commend you for what you can do.

Mental Health

Back from Hiatus

Writer’s block and severe stress has taken over my life for the past few months. It all started when someone I thought was a good friend decided to treat me as if I was nothing with no true explanation except for anger and resentment towards me. Another person who was previously my friend had also continuously made me believe that I was to blame for everything in my life. However, as I got close to my other friends, one of which I am now currently dating, I came to realize that it wasn’t me at all. They left me because they couldn’t handle that I was finally becoming my own person. They couldn’t handle that every once in a while, I freak out because of emotional abuse I endured from would-be friends, nuns, and some others growing up. They helped me find my true self and made me realize that I need to stop trying to please everyone else and do what I need. Not what others expect of me.

Now that I’ve gotten rid of my blockage and I’m finally beginning to get my life on track I will try and post more often in order to get my mind out and talk about things that I enjoy.