anxiety, chronic pain, Mental Health, not giving up, perseverance, update

More Changes

Having issues with anxiety and learning disorders can be hard. For me, I take a while to settle on majors because I do not know which kinds of classes I can handle. I thought a lot about my major and how hard it is for me to take in these details just for the biology class. I love it, but my brain cannot handle reading and processing the information. I realized that for me, I’d want more of a hands-on approach.

Because of these reasons, I have gone back to English as a major. I still want to pursue some knowledge of medicine and first aid since it intrigues me, and it is a wonderful thing to have. However, if I wanted to, I will go for a Medical Assistant Associate degree after I graduate if I still want to pursue it. However, if I fall in love with something else and find another career with my degree, I will go for either a first responder course or a wilderness first responder course. Either way, I think it’s a good thing to know in any situation.

Posts

So, for the last three weeks, I had been posting twice a week. Once with old discussion posts and then excerpts from the book I am writing. I will try to keep up with that, but It was initially because I was getting very anxious about my classes and work. That is why they were scheduled posts. Again, my blogs will comprise multiple things since I am so passionate about various subjects. I will try to make weekly updates about the story I am working on, but lately, I could not work on it.

I also have some “prepper” projects I am working on and my views on certain parts of that aspect and community. I will never write negativity because I love to spread positivity. I am also working on finally moving out with my partner, so I will post about that. Thank you again for liking and following my blog to all who have.

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Mental Health, perseverance, Philosophy, spirituality

Free Will

I had spent many years in retail after obtaining an Associates Degree in General Studies. As my chronic pain condition (suspected Fibromyalgia) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder worsened it got harder and harder to handle it. I took an online course in freelance writing because I was so curious on if I was interested in this or not. At the time I realized that I was and enrolled in my local University, West Chester University of Pennsylvania. For two years I started to realize I could not handle commuting back and forth and upholding good grades full time so I switched to half-time.

I still struggled because of the long commutes, obligations from toxic friends who insisted on me giving them attention (I had finally gotten rid of them by now), and attempting to do work study along with classes. When I looked into SNHU I realized that this was honestly the easier way for me to learn. I have various learning disorders, and this program helps me in ways the other school could not. The program was better as well since I did not have to go through various language classes for an English degree.

Currently, I realized after attempting to do some freelance writing while I was in the market for a new job (which I finally achieved one) I realized that my love of writing was more-so on the casual pace. I love writing blogs and fictional stories, but the stress of attempting to find clients and such was just not for me. I had been able to get some experience in it, but I was not enjoying it like I thought I would. When I decided to go to Penn Foster alongside SNHU for Medical Administrative Assistant, I realized maybe I should get into the medical field. It had always interested me since I was a child. So, I am currently asking to change my major. I do not want to be a nurse or a doctor, but I do want to possibly work as a Medical Assistant (I’m not sure yet because of the physical demands), get EMS training (just for personal curiosity and want to help people in an emergency such as a natural disaster or something), etc. I want to start with the administrative level since a less physical job is perfect for my pain condition.

The reason I am sharing my story is because of this discussion topic. I did not have to go back to College. I could have just worked and worked until I was able to find something better. The reason I went is that I wanted to follow my dreams even if they are ever changing. English was not meant for me, but now I believe the medical field is. It interests me. When I was little I watched surgery shows. While my mother and Gram turned away, I was fascinated with the blood and how people were fixed up. Even the idea of doing sutures is interesting to me. (If I don’t end up going through EMS training I might get a training kit from Amazon just to see what to do. I won’t be the first to do it but if no one is around and its days or miles from help its good to know).

If I did not have “free will” I would have just done what my family wanted me to do and find some government job or live off of Social Security Disability after getting diagnoses (if that). I think that having free will or not having free will depends on the person. If someone does things because of their environment, because society says so, or because they don’t believe they are able to do anything else that no, they do not have free will. Someone brainwashed by friends, certain societies, even some extreme religious groups are not able to control their own actions. Stepping away from that and doing what “you” want and dream of is what gives free will. That is what I believe. Free will depends on your choices.

fiction, Mental Health, not giving up, perseverance, stories, update, writing

Writing Fiction Again

Holidays are depressing when you don’t feel as if they love as much you as you want to be. I’ve been in a rut these past weeks which is why I could not write much anymore. However, now I’ve decided that I need to write again. Make money instead of being stuck in my room depressed because of lack of work. I love my job, but the lack of continuous hours hurts. I need to get out of here. This is why I’ve decided to focus on writing and fiction again.

Side Jobs

I will start my search for side jobs that will help me move. My partner and I are looking at apartments so we can move to get me out of this toxic environment. I will do my best to update my blog more often once again.

Fiction

Since I enjoy writing fiction the most, I have decided that I will start by using the self-publishing platform on Amazon to publish novellas. This will allow me to keep the rights of the work so that once I am doing the series of novellas, I can put them in a larger book. I will base the novellas off the 1001 Arabian Nights.

Royal Vizier Diaries

They will be a series of stories through the eyes of Jafar. He begins his journey as the unhappy son to the Royal Vizier to a Sultan in Ancient Morocco. He is only thirteen when he explores his sexuality and romance with his personal servant Kassim which only ends in tragedy.

This is just the beginning of the boy’s long journey into finding out who he really is and the mysterious power that he has been given. It is meant to be an adult fantasy fiction work with homosexual relationships along with heterosexual. There is a lot of death and sex involved along with hard themes that will include trigger warnings at the beginning of those chapters.

Stories

This is one story in my mind which is close to my heart which is why I want to get it out in the open. Even with the tough themes, I will attempt to make sure that those specific chapters can be skipped if needed without losing story elements. I will add parts of the novellas as blog posts once a week for now on, and once I publish the first novella, I will advertise it here as much as I can.

I will also possibly work on some short stories I might try to get published in small magazines and such. I have already sent my first story off to Chicken Soup for the Soul so I hope that this can start my publications. I hope that you all keep following me and my journey. Thank you for all the support.

Mental Health, perseverance, Philosophy, spirituality

Knowing

I think “knowing” the world and “knowing” math is different but also somewhat the same. Knowing math takes a lot of practice. For some, it takes only a week or two to understand it, but for me and my math disorder, it takes forever. 

I’m not saying I don’t know 2+2=4, but anything more complicated like multiplication and division confuses me. I get numbers, symbols, and letters mixed up continuously so my version of “knowing” math differs from someone who can do math quickly in their head. I cannot even do simple math without using my hands or a calculator.

The World

I think “knowing” the world is different only because of this case. We learn the world by taking it in similar to most people who can learn math quickly. But I think they are different because with math you have. Knowing the world is done in different ways.

Everyone is different and sees the world around them in different ways. That is why there are various political parties, religions, beliefs, etc. (I see religion and belief as separate things because not everyone has religion, but everyone has beliefs.)

Mathematics

With math, the answer is linear, when with personal “knowing” of the world and philosophy are different depending on the person. Religion and beliefs, for example, I believe no religion is right or wrong. It is what the person feels. I believe in various gods, but I also think that the Catholic/Christian God along with the Hebrew and Muslim God exists in the same plane as the others. 

A friend of mine believes that the “one” God is all the other gods in all the pantheons. I also think that most of the deities that come are like family since I have always wanted siblings and felt lonely. And then, obviously, those who are Catholic and Christian belief in only one God. I believe none of us are right or wrong in those beliefs.

My Faith

I firmly believe religion, faith, and belief should be more personal. I do not think it is right to force opinions on others or even in the non-religious sense of the words. Religion, belief, politics, philosophy; these I think should be a belief, but if it’s shared with others, it can bring you together. I don’t think there should be wars against views such as these unless the belief hurts themselves or others.

Something knows math to be accurate and perfect in almost all cases, while belief is different. We can know faith” to be true in every instance. For example, so many people still believe that Paganism and Wicca are evil and “devil-worshipping.” What I know to be true is that it is the opposite. Pagans and Wiccans love the earth and part of Wiccan law is “harm none.” 

Even with Pagans who use witchcraft, the thought of karma is prominent because if you do something, it will come back to you times three. There are out there who still harm with their practice, but most of us are now using peaceful means of worship and practice. Christianity evolved from Catholics who did not agree with their beliefs is another perfect example. Above all, math is linear, but faith can be various.

jobs, Mental Health, perseverance, update

New Lease on Life

Hello everyone. It has been a while since I had posted a blog post. The Mercury Retrograde hit me hard back then. I had such an emotional rollercoaster with my anxiety extremely heightened and my desperate search for a job. I finally have a job, and I am much happier just being out of the house more. I’ve also been able to visit my partner is about an hour away from me by train now.

I’ve been thinking about my blog, and I’ve noticed that it is hard for me to stick to a subject. That is the reason I turned this into a multi-subject blog. Just me being me. My main issue is finding topics to write about for my blog. I decided that I want this blog to be about my philosophy, some of my spirituality, prepper stuff, and wellness stuff.

Healthcare

I had a lot to think about over the weeks I’ve been away. One of those things is a decision I’ve made. A big one. I decided that instead of English; I have changed my major to Healthcare Information Management. The subject had always fascinated me. Since I have issues with physical work, I figured this would help me in my fight for independence.

I also now work as a receptionist for an Independent Living and Personal Care community. Thanks to this experience, I will learn the skills I need in the field and hopefully work in the care center as well at some point.

I will also take classes for Medical Assistant after I finish. I do not want to work as one full time, but I figured that it would make me even more employable if I had some physical skills. I can need these skills in an office if there is a shortage of staff or something. I also hope to become an Emergency Medical Responder or even an EMT. These would be for emergencies only and not a career decision for me. I enjoy being prepared and find the field fascinating.

I will model the next few posts after discussion posts and my final project from my Philosophy class. After that, I hope to do more. I hope you all have a great day!