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Long Awaited Update

Hello everyone, 

I apologize for not posting in so long. I had been in a bad place physically, emotionally, and mentally. I had not been taking CBD on a daily basis along with my multi-vitamin which caused my pain, fatigue, and anxiety to worsen and worsen. Now, I take 500mg of CBD oil every night and I make sure to remember my vitamin. 

The best news that happened in my absence is that I have finally been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Now that I have the official diagnosis, I can get on the right medications so it can help me handle my symptoms better while I try my best. 

I know this post is a little short. I promise that I will be trying to post more often even if it is just a post from my classes. I am also going to be enrolling in a non-credit course at my old Community College for Electronic Medical Records certification. This way, it can help me in my employment endeavors.

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anxiety, chronic pain, Mental Health, not giving up, perseverance, update

More Changes

Having issues with anxiety and learning disorders can be hard. For me, I take a while to settle on majors because I do not know which kinds of classes I can handle. I thought a lot about my major and how hard it is for me to take in these details just for the biology class. I love it, but my brain cannot handle reading and processing the information. I realized that for me, I’d want more of a hands-on approach.

Because of these reasons, I have gone back to English as a major. I still want to pursue some knowledge of medicine and first aid since it intrigues me, and it is a wonderful thing to have. However, if I wanted to, I will go for a Medical Assistant Associate degree after I graduate if I still want to pursue it. However, if I fall in love with something else and find another career with my degree, I will go for either a first responder course or a wilderness first responder course. Either way, I think it’s a good thing to know in any situation.

Posts

So, for the last three weeks, I had been posting twice a week. Once with old discussion posts and then excerpts from the book I am writing. I will try to keep up with that, but It was initially because I was getting very anxious about my classes and work. That is why they were scheduled posts. Again, my blogs will comprise multiple things since I am so passionate about various subjects. I will try to make weekly updates about the story I am working on, but lately, I could not work on it.

I also have some “prepper” projects I am working on and my views on certain parts of that aspect and community. I will never write negativity because I love to spread positivity. I am also working on finally moving out with my partner, so I will post about that. Thank you again for liking and following my blog to all who have.

fiction, writing

Soothsaying

She held out her hand and touched my cheek just as Melek would have done. A mother’s touch. “Young Jafar,” She whistled a soft tune and the legless reptiles retreated into small, black baskets which decorated the front of her house.

“You… are a snake charmer?” I asked softly.

“Yes, that is one of my many talents. I foresee great things from you, child. Though I also see a terrifying fate that you may already know of.”

Those words caused me to look up at her in amazement. She knew of the content of the dreams? Was she connected to me in some way? She put a soft hand under my chin and touched her soft lips directly in the middle of my forehead.

I suddenly found myself in a dark place. Treasure littered the ground and I saw an older version of myself on the ground glaring up at a handsome boy who seemed to be a few years my senior. Upon closer observation… it was the man whom was holding me as I laid dying. The man with the silver eyes.

“As you can see child, I have the ability to not only see the future but help young mages such as yourself to see and control visions you have only in your sleeping state.” Alia’s voice rang softly around the air. I walked towards my future self to listen to the conversation.

“You must be joking, I have tried to kill you. You wish me to follow you on your adventures across the seas? For what purpose? You have caught me and you should have gotten rid of me as I would have done to you!”

The handsome boy walked up with a kind smile on his lips. He put an outstretched hand towards my future self. “I do not wish to harm you Jafar. You have lived a hard life, and though you may look like a woman, I believe you can become a great man one day. Do you truly wish to live the life of an assassin for the rest of your days?”

“This decision will be one you must choose carefully. The fate you have prophesized will only take place if you choose one or the other. I imagine you will have about ten years to make the choice you wish.

Philosophy, spirituality, writing

“Evil is in the Eye of the Beholder”

The topic of “evil” is interesting to me. I love to write fiction, and my favorite thing to write for is the villain. Though through the years of attempting to develop the story, I love the most, I’ve realized “evil” is just a point of view. When one person thinks that murder (for example) is a sin, another may need to kill to survive an abuser. If all murder is wrong and evil, then why would the abused be forced to endure such abuse until they die themselves?

I was raised Catholic and was forced to go to Catholic school. I almost failed the “morality” class in high-school because I did not agree with almost everything I had learned. I knew in my heart being homosexual was not a sin, and neither was having sex before marriage. To me, it is all a natural thing and should not be condemned as “evil.” I did not know for sure at the time, but I ended up Pansexual, which means that I have no preference in gender or sex of a person… My current partner (and soulmate) is someone I fell for before I knew she was a female. I fell for her personality. How can something so natural be considered a sinful life?

To me, “evil” is doing something that hurts other or yourself knowing fully well what you are doing and doing it on purpose. If it is something used in defending yourself or another person or people it should NOT be considered evil. Instead it should be seen as it is. Defense.

As for “God,” my view is not the same as many. I believe that no religion is right or wrong. I believe all the gods exist in one or many various realms. I believe the Christian/Catholic/Jewish/etc God exists genderless in their own realm to watch over their followers. My personal pantheon involves Greek, Norse, Hindu, Egyptian, Lakota, and Japanese deities, (mostly Greek). I believe all the Greek (except maybe Hades) lives on Olympus. Hera is my matron while Poseidon is my patron gods. Ares shares me with my partner because he is my god-spouse (which means my astral body and soul is married to him on the celestial plane). I even have a few spirit guides such as Maui, Archangel Gabriel, and the animal spirits of sea dragon, cheetah, hawk, and crow. My belief is different because my feeling towards most of my pantheon is that they are like family to me rather than beings to be worshipped. Osirus and Hades in particular assist me in my journey of my various past lives.

While I believe all of this, I do not disbelieve in other people’s beliefs. My girlfriend’s roommate believes all the Gods exist as one being. I do not hate those who believe in other things, I simply believe something different than them. Coming back to the subject of evil however, I do believe that those who thrust their beliefs on others, act as if theirs is the only religion that matters, and those who kill for their faith is wrong and can be considered evil if they are doing things to hurt people either physically or mentally. I don’t think that evil is a matter of if God really exists, or if they allow it. The Universe, Spirit Guides, and Deities guide us and give us the free will to follow or not follow their teachings. I do not think it is fair to blame evil on the existence or non-existence of “God.” However, as I said before, evil can also be seen as simply a point of view.

As the quote goes, “Evil is in the Eye of the Beholder.”

fiction, writing

Dreams of the Destruction

I was being held down while that horrid serpent slithered freely. Ropes bound my feet and arms behind me. I was bruised all over and there were so many rogues surrounding me and laughing. What looked like a red and black beaten up turban was thrown from my head as my long brown hair fell in front of my face.

“How could you?” I pleaded. There was a man standing in front of me with black hair and seemed to be the leader of this den of thieves. He let out a chilling laugh. One that went right through to my bones. The men holding me kicked me a few times in the ribs as a punishment for my spoken words no doubt. The leader’s laugh subsided and he turned to me. I could not believe what I was seeing. This man had the same black hair, dark skin, and dark eyes… Kassim. What was going on? “You…you loved me once…”

“You should learn to stop being so naïve Jafar.” He said as he squatted down in front of me with a serious face. He had scars on his face and his clothes were ragged. “Do you really think I would allow the Royal Vasir of the King of the Seven Seas to leave the den of the 40 thieves on his own? Your heart has changed as has mine. This world is dark and lonely. We can only do things for ourselves. You hated your life as the Royal Vasir’s son and now you are the Vasir to the most famous King in all of Arabia. What a filthy hypocrite.”

“D…do what every you want with me Kassim… I do not know what happened to you but my wife and daughter do not deserve this. They are innocent and…”

“Innocent?” Kassim seethed. “We were innocent children once. Foolish lovers who thought we could live a life together. Then the real world fell upon us. Have you even told your loving wife and daughter the truth? I could imagine their devastation after finding out what had truly happened to your father, the Sultan, and the Prince that you served as a Vizier in training. Even the events surrounding your finding your precious King is shrouded in blood.”

“Silence! They do not need to know my past. I have put my past behind me.”

“Clearly.” My old friend said with a sinister smile. “Put it behind you so far you never even thought to make sure that I had gotten to a good place once I escaped. Had you ever even tried to find me?”

I felt myself going silent as the cobra hissed angrily at me before Kassim’s younger and more frantic voice awoke me from this trauma.